KarKar Gee
19.Taken.UofC.2ndYr.YFL.ServantofGod.YYC
[P]ray[U]ntil[S]omething[H]appens
Project 2010
21. Understand
I just need you to understand. Stand in my shoes, and feel what I’m feeling. It’s not easy. It’s not easy trying to fight yourself everyday. Hoping that you’ll survive or even get through the day without breaking or falling apart. Some days, I just can’t. And I just want you to understand.
20. Spiritual Growth
“God is always a personal decision - your decision. This also means that as you seek God and regardless what road you take, with or without your friends, with or without all the good things, whether you feel it or not - it is yours to make.” -Ferdie Gayos
I grew up in a religious family. Never missing Sunday church, trying our best to be present in all community activities. As a family we’ve been out there serving as a whole. I never understood how deep the passion my parents would put in such a thing, how they would put so much of their time and effort for the community, especially my dad, who is an all around guy. I never understood it at all, and despite the lack of presence in the house, I always looked up to him.
I just then understood the importance of it when I myself experienced this kind of commitment to Christ. A responsibility, as a Christian-Catholic, to serve God whole-heartedly without limitations. At a young age, I thought of it as boring, not fun, and most of all; in all honesty I wasn’t proud of it. I’d rather spend all my free time doing the things I love most doing. I never appreciated my family being in the community.
I had a choice, a choice to stay away from all of it, but the countless nagging of parents to join them in their activities led me to a change of heart. Maybe it is true, that at first you would feel pressured, and forced to go to such activities, but in the end I appreciated it. I appreciated it because I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I appreciated it because I don’t need to get nagged on every time there is an activity. I appreciated it because I found a difference, between actually knowing and feeling God’s love. It is my own will, my own time, my own personal relationship with Him. I chose and will always choose to be a child of God. And I can truly say that I’ve reached that certain growth level spiritually where I myself would be called to stand with my brothers and sisters to be witnesses of Christ.
Now it is up to you to say ‘yes’ to this call.
Cmon, you know you want to!
cmon guys ;D
19. Fregarsene
If you’ve studied higher level courses of any language, you learn some words that is difficult to translate in google or any site that could possibly give you the precise translation that you would’ve wanted to convey. You would look up the word and be almost as close, but you can’t really assume the writer’s way of portraying the word unless it is said directly and/or in English. This is in fact, is one of the ways where you can express yourself without anyone trying to know or read you.
The thing is, I can write words that don’t even exist, and you will still try to read between the gibberish connotations. It wouldn’t even change the fact that I wrote it at the point where I had wanted words to disappear.
18. Reflection
I will never forget the look you gave. Those eyes that stared as if it wanted to kill. I felt it stab through me, like some kind of venemous poison slowly creeping to trigger some kind of emotion left inside of me. I felt it. I know then, that those were the eyes that I had been wanting to see come through you. Even if it found me at the peak of my existence, it wasn’t at the right time. That moment I wanted myself to disappear in the shadows of my soul that left me the second I stared back. The emotions swirled inside, confused on how it should react, of course this is the moment of truth, the moment where fear steps in to take away the helpless front. Then and there, I know, it will never be the same.
17. Blessings
“…What if your blessings come through raindrops,
What if your healing comes through tears,
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near…”
7 months… been a long time, more than half a year, since the day that me and my brother lived separately away from the rest of the family. Through this process of acceptance, I’ve come to realize many things, felt lonely countless times, experienced changes that for the rest of the coming years will become ‘normal’ to me. When I was little, I don’t recall any moments that my parents would be away from home for more than a week, maybe there were rare occasions when one of them would be away for business trips, but that wouldn’t last more than 2 weeks, and they would never go at the same time. There were weekends though that they would leave for a conference or a meeting, and I remember they would often bring us along. As a family we would always spend weekends together, go to church, go to the mall, just us, having our family moments. Never would I have imagined that at 19 years old, I would become independent. (Although many choose to live by themselves nowadays…)
Many times when I’m just having a terrible day, I would go home and crave for Timmy’s hug. I am so used to coming home to a loud house, messy but ‘homey’, and chores that they would put off doing until I get home… I remember when my dad would always joke about me getting married when I’m 30. Or when my mom would always give me a lecture about my future, and about me being lazy at home. I remember them getting mad when I went home late that one time. I remember my dad greeting me on my birthday but it was on the wrong day or when he would tell me to sit on his lap and would comment on how heavy I am getting. I depend on them so much that it hurts. It hurts when sometimes I remember those moments… Crave those moments, wishing that we were all together still… Spending and sharing moments together again…
I’ve realized though that even if they’re so far away, other people genuinely care about us, making us feel like a part of their family, and friends that make us feel loved. We tend to take people we have right now for granted… Little do we know that when they’re gone, it will hurt. So much.
I’ve come to realize that the hurt that I felt or feel, tears that I’ve shed, moments that I’ve experienced, are all blessings in disguise. God’s way of showing you what’s there, what was already there, and what is yet to come.
